Thanks to the porn industry, urban legend, and general sexual misinformation; there are many questions about female ejaculation (also known as “squirting”). Is it pee? Is it normal? How can I make my girlfriend squirt? How can I stop myself from squirting? Is it a made-up thing? It feels like there are more questions than answers. This blog will separate fact from fiction and leave you with the juicy truth about this misunderstood subject. I will also add my spin on how this craze (and the industry that supports it) is creating a new type of performance anxiety for women.
Female ejaculation remains a controversial topic in pop culture. Some experts have debunked its existence while others insist that it is a natural physiologic response to stimulation of the G-Spot. The G-spot, also called the Gräfenberg spot (named for German gynecologist Ernst Gräfenberg), is described as an erogenous area of the vagina that, when properly stimulated, may lead to intense orgasms and expulsion of fluid. The G-spot is located 5–8 cm up the front (anterior) vaginal wall between the vaginal opening and the urethra. Like female ejaculation, the existence of the G-spot has not been scientifically proven but is commonly accepted as existing.
Increased cultural interest in squirting has led to the eroticization of female ejaculation. Squirting has its own dedicated genre of porn. There are even lists of porn’s best and most impressive “Squirt Girls.” With titles such as “High School Squirting Ballerina,” “Femdom Makes Squirt Slave,” and “Lesbian Squirt Machine,” it is abundantly clear that there is a niche market for men who enjoy the gush. Interestingly, this craze has created a sort of performance anxiety for women—the pressure to squirt! Whereas 25 years ago, my female clients were embarrassed and ashamed by what they believed was wetting the bed during sex, now women are desperate and determined to master squirting.
So what is squirting?
Squirting occurs when women expel fluid through the paraurethral ducts (also known as the Skenes Gland or ‘female prostate’). The Skenes gland is very similar to the male prostate and the fluid it expels is similar to male prostatic fluid. The fluid is clear in color and some report an ammonia-like odor. Some have likened the Skenes gland to a sponge in that it expands as more fluid is produced.
When it expands, the Skenes gland puts pressure on the bladder. This causes the sensation of needing to pee. When a woman squirts, the fluid travels through a portion of the bladder so it may actually feel like she is peeing. Research published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2014 reports that data based on ultrasonic bladder monitoring and biochemical analyses show that female ejaculation consists of a mixture of urine and prostatic secretions. So although it is not pee, there is likely some urine present in the fluid.
Some men specifically ‘seek out’ squirters on hook-up apps like Tinder, xmatch.com and GetItOn. Women who can reliably squirt are considered sexually “in the know” and are considered superior bed fellows. Many men still feel insecure about whether or not a woman experiences orgasm. With a squirter, there is no ambiguity. For some men, squirting equals proof of their manhood. The indisputable fact that they have adequately pleasured their partner is important to them.
Of course, there are some men who are turned off by female ejaculation and have even ended relationships over it. One client told me “I’m the guy, I’m the one who is supposed to squirt, not her.” Like most things sexual, some like it and some don’t. One man’s Taboo is another man’s Treasure. Some women are self conscious about squirting and avoid climax to ensure no fluid is expelled. Others try and try to no avail.
Men and women spend billions of dollars annually to open the floodgates. There are hundreds of sex toys designed to facilitate squirting. Products such as Lovehoney, OhMiBod and RockBox Finger Thrusting G-spot vibrators all but promise squirting. There is an unmistakable call to action.
But what effect is this pressure to squirt having on real people? In my office, it is experienced as a genuine source of anxiety. Hundreds of female clients report that they find squirting porn on the computer, that their husbands are over-invested in getting them to squirt, and question their pleasure in absence of squirting. For some men, it has taken on fetishistic proportions that make it an absolute requirement.
Even the women who can ejaculate are sometimes told it is not enough or lacks force. Porn sometimes depicts women ejaculating across the room with the near force of a power washer. As with many aspects of porn, sex is depicted in unrealistic ways. Both women and men fall into the trap of trying to reproduce what they see in porn rather than using humor and creativity to create and sustain their own version of sex.
The pressure to squirt may be experienced as a burden in an already delicate sexual dynamic. If you can squirt and your partner loves it, good for you! But if the presence or absence of squirting is causing conflict in your relationship, sex therapy can help. Call me!
Kimberly Resnick Anderson